When Rejection Cuts Deep

Parents of trauma-impacted children experience rejection in ways most people never will.

A child might say:

“You’re not my real mom.”

Push away affection.

Choose distance over connection—even when you’ve given everything.

These moments feel like heartbreak on repeat.

But they become devastating only when your sense of worth is tied to their acceptance.

If parenting is your entire identity, then rejection leaves you with nothing to stand on.

The Dangers of Anchoring in the Wrong Place

1. An Unstable Identity

Imagine a ship at sea.

If that ship anchors itself to another ship, both will drift with every wave.

But if the anchor drops deep into solid ground, the ship will hold steady—even in a storm.

Anchoring your identity solely in parenting is like tying your ship to another ship.

Children—especially those impacted by trauma—shift constantly.

They cling, withdraw, explode, collapse, come close, push away.

If your sense of self rises and falls with every mood, every behavior, every moment of rejection, you’ll be tossed endlessly by the storm.

But anchor your identity in something solid—something not dependent on your child’s acceptance—and you remain steady, no matter the waves.

2. Being Swayed by Your Child’s Mood

Many parents believe that if they’re doing things “right,” their child will be grateful, happy, regulated, appreciative.

But that belief puts your worth in the hands of a wounded nervous system.

If you let your child’s emotions determine your value, you stop being the anchor.

You end up lost at sea with them—drifting, panicking, wondering what went wrong.

Your role is to be the calm dock they return to, not another vessel swept up in the storm.

The Anchors That Hold

Faith may be your strongest anchor—but God often provides others:

• Friendships and Community

Safe, steady people who remind you that you are more than a parent.

• Therapy and Support Groups

Spaces where you can process the rejection and the fear without being crushed by it.

• Creative and Meaningful Work

Writing, art, gardening, vocation—anything that gives you a sense of purpose independent of parenting.

Every person is creative in some way; research shows creativity is life-giving.

• Self-Care Rhythms

Rest, movement, prayer, nature, recreation—these aren’t indulgent.

They are survival tools.

These anchors refill your cup so you’re not pouring out from empty.

Why Anchoring Elsewhere Helps Your Child

This isn’t just about your stability.

Anchoring your identity outside of parenting directly impacts your child’s healing.

1. You Model Emotional Stability

When your child sees that their rejection doesn’t destroy you, they learn something trauma never taught them:

“Love can hold. You won’t leave.”

2. You Remove Pressure

Kids feel when a parent’s identity depends on them.

It’s too much responsibility.

When your worth is anchored elsewhere, you free them from carrying the unbearable weight of being your source of meaning.

3. You Preserve Connection

If you’re not devastated by every rejection, you can respond with calm instead of defensiveness.

Connection survives.

And connection heals.