I was that young, overwhelmed Mom that could NOT afford a babysitter. To be honest, my kids would have eaten most 16-year olds alive, and so there was that factor also. Vacation Bible School became a heaven-sent solution to this tired Momma. I don’t know where the mandate is in the Bible for churches to have yearly VBS’s, but it seems to be a thing in the South. VBS added much-needed structure to long summer days. And let’s face it, most churches buy the same VBS curriculum, so the kids literally are singing the same songs, doing the same crafts, and hearing the same stories. This is probably done to deter parents like me from abusing the system, but I value salvation and my kids were getting saved every summer for years.
How to get free childcare in the summer?
Melody Aguayo • March 7, 2025
Sign up for every VBS within a 20-minute drive from your home. If you plan it out well and start early, you can end up with 6 or 7 weeks of free childcare. Plus, you have the added benefit of having your kids scream, “Hey, that’s our church!” every time you drive past any chapel in any direction. Do not hold me accountable for the annoying songs your children will sing loudly ALL YEAR LONG even if your eyes start twitching. And you know how you “lose” things you no longer want your kids to play with, watch, or listen to? Well, you can only “lose” two of the song CDs before your kids catch on.
Finding the Right VBS
I started scouring the internet in April, swerving off the road to take pictures of VBS information on church billboards and laying out my calendar, scheming. Here were the things I considered:
History
Have we been to this VBS, and how did it go? I think it is quite rude to kick out a child from VBS on a Tuesday. Good grief! I think it is polite to at least wait until Wednesday after pick-up to give a child his/her expulsion letter. I never return to churches that kick kids out on Tuesday’s. They just have bad manners in my opinion. Also, aren’t they trying to get these kids saved and into heaven? I hardly even remember Melinda with the tight lips and strained voice who said, “He can’t come tomorrow unless he decides he is going to obey Jesus.” I am pretty sure Jesus didn’t have tight lips, an angry voice, and kick kids out of VBS on Tuesday’s.
Do They Remember Your Child?
This can go one of two ways, and you have to watch carefully to see how it is going to go. There is a slight chance they remember and “like” your kid. There is a greater chance they remember “that kid” – you know, the one who made lesson time difficult, the one who spent the whole time at the registration table because they couldn’t contain him in class. If they say, “It’s good to see you”, but it looks like they might cry, then chances are your kid will make it to Wednesday because most churches have better manners than Melinda’s.
Distance
Is it worth driving that distance for less than three hours of childcare? Will it be worth it to continue to drive Thursday and Friday when you are only taking half of your children after your other little guy got kicked out? It may be worth it for two kids, but for one.
Church Size
Will your child be in sensory overload as you walk through the door? Do you feel like you will be stampeded by small feet if you make a wrong turn? Will anyone even know if your child gets lost? I tried a couple of large churches, but they never worked for us. The few hours of peace do not make up for the hellish afternoon you will have.
Time of VBS
If you are a really desperate mother, you may manage to sign your kids up for evening VBS’s also. I do NOT recommend this. Childcare only works when it helps you rest, not when you are up until 10:00pm because you didn’t get home until 8:30pm. I don’t parent very well past 8:00 pm, so these never worked for me. Actually, I don’t parent super well until 10:00am either. My husband is pretty lucky that he married one of those unique people whose best time is the middle of the day! I mean, I have so many good parenting hours, but do NOT wake me up early or keep me up late!
Carpooling
Avoid this at all costs if you have a spirited child. Simply by saving yourself the drive time, you have doubled the number of embarrassing interactions you will have with adults. Now not only are you apologizing for your child climbing on the bookshelf during story time, but you are also apologizing for your child’s incessant rolling up and down of the car window and tossing things out the window. If you happen to have friends who don’t tattle on your child, keep them. I don’t care if you have nothing in common with them and they are sending you subtle messages that they don’t want to hang out anymore. Bribe them with favors and cookies. They are a rare breed.
Happy Summer Planning
Over the years, we also had so many sweet surprises like the tiny church down the street from us filled with senior citizens who were happy to see my kids year after year. They delivered my kids to me with smiles and warm words and made me feel like I was doing something right as a parent. Those of you who don’t get to feel that often know that you will never forget those small acts of kindness, those expressions of generosity. It is so easy to be critical of children, but it take a special person to look past their behaviors and see greatness.
When I decided to plant a garden, I thought, how hard could it be? You dig a hole. You put in a seed. You water it. Boom. Salad. That’s what the package said. That’s what the Instagram moms said. That’s what the lady at the farmer’s market said, wearing her cute linen apron.
Ever walk into your teenage son's room and feel physically assaulted by the smell—only for him to look genuinely confused and ask, "What smell?" You're standing there gagging, while he lounges on his bed, completely unaffected. No, he’s not gaslighting you. He might honestly not notice it at all.
I often witness firsthand how the parenting journey—especially when parenting children with special needs or histories of trauma—is both profoundly sacred and deeply complex. One of the most overlooked aspects in this work is second-hand trauma, also known as vicarious trauma. This is the emotional residue we absorb as
For many families, summer means swimsuits, sunscreen, and cannonballs. But for children with sensory sensitivities, water play isn’t always joyful or relaxing. In fact, it can be a deeply uncomfortable or even overwhelming experience.
We hear a lot about the power of mindset.
From school posters to parenting podcasts, the message is clear:
Positive thinking = success.
And for the most part, mindset tools like affirmations, growth language, and gratitude journaling can be genuinely helpful.
In parenting, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of constant correction. From the moment a child wakes up to the time they go to bed, there are endless opportunities to redirect, remind, and reprimand. But here’s the truth: constant correction rarely produces the change we hope for. Instead, it builds resistance, shame,
We’re often drawn to our partners because they bring something different to the table. That difference might feel exciting in the beginning—balancing us out or offering a fresh way of seeing the world.
“When will I get a brother who actually plays with me?” my daughter asked one afternoon, her voice casual but her meaning anything but. “What do you mean?” I asked gently. She replied, “You know, one who doesn’t get so crazy and can help me with stuff.”
Navigating abusive behavior from an adult child can feel like one of the most emotionally devastating and confusing experiences a parent can endure. Consider this: a 22 year old son is still living at home. He doesn’t allow his parents to require anything of him. If they do, he curses at them or breaks something. He is only pleasant when the food he wants is in the fridge and nothing is asked of him. He takes what he wants without permission and at times even pawns his parents things for cash. No one in the family feels emotionally or physically safe anymore.
The Toll of Control The constant striving to manage what’s outside of us leaves us emotionally drained. It creates a persistent hum of anxiety that dulls our joy and hijacks the present moment. We begin to measure our success by our child’s behavior or the approval of others. We get stuck in cycles of blame—blaming ourselves, our child, the school, the system, our family. We lose our ability to be curious and responsive because we’re too busy being vigilant and defensive. Over time, this wears down our confidence. We stop growing. We stop enjoying our children. We stop enjoying ourselves. What You Can’t Control It helps to name what’s out of our control. Here are some things you simply can’t manage—no matter how much effort you put in: Other people’s opinions and judgments.
Some will misunderstand your parenting or your child. Let them. You don’t owe them an explanation. Their willingness to understand.
You can educate and explain, but you can’t make someone unlearn their biases or do the work to understand neurodiversity. Who shows up.
People you expected to lean on may pull away. Some will show up in imperfect ways. Accept the help that’s offered and let go of what others can’t give. How others react to your child.
There will be awkward stares, insensitive comments, and even exclusion. You can’t control how people respond to what they don’t understand. The stories people tell about you.
Everyone has an opinion. But unless someone is in the trenches with you, their advice doesn’t carry weight. What You Can Control While we don’t get to control everything, we’re far from powerless. There are meaningful, impactful ways we can lead: How we advocate for our child. The boundaries we set and maintain. The tone and energy we bring into our homes. How we respond to ignorance and insensitivity. Who we allow into our inner circle—and who we keep at a distance. This shift—from trying to control outcomes to focusing on what we can influence—is liberating. But it doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process of unlearning, grieving, and slowly rebuilding.
