We’re often drawn to our partners because they bring something different to the table. That difference might feel exciting in the beginning—balancing us out or offering a fresh way of seeing the world. But under chronic stress, those same differences can turn into tension. Most couples respond to challenges in opposite ways. What once felt complementary can start to feel conflicting when life gets heavy.

If you're raising children with a history of early adversity or complex needs, you may be living in an extended season of stress. Crisis isn't occasional—it’s the backdrop. Supporting your children and maintaining a strong, connected partnership in the middle of this takes intention. You are each other’s best ally. Don’t let the weight of it all pull you away from the one person who truly understands what it’s like to parent your child.

Notice the Good Stuff

Our personalities don't shift much over time. If you stop to think about it, your partner probably still does many of the things that made you fall in love with them—you're just too overwhelmed to see it clearly. Try this: when your partner is away for a night or two, pay attention to how their absence affects the daily flow. Is bedtime harder without them? Does making breakfast feel lonelier?

Take a few minutes each night to jot down three things your partner did that day that you appreciate—big or small. Did they make the coffee? Sit with your child through a meltdown? Make you laugh? This simple habit can start to rebuild affection and change how you see your partner.

Make Time for Each Other

There was a long stretch of years when we couldn’t go on dates without being called home within 30 minutes. Eventually, we stopped trying to leave the house and started doing "lock-in dates." We’d order our favorite food, give the kids something fun and screen-based (which was a big treat for them), and escape to the bedroom for a few hours. We expected interruptions, but we protected that time fiercely.

Now, decades later, I believe those nights helped keep our marriage rooted. Connection doesn’t require perfection—just consistency. Don’t wait until life gets easier to invest in your relationship. Distance creeps in quietly, and rebuilding connection later can be so much harder than maintaining it now.

Normalize Support for Yourselves

We’re quick to sign our kids up for therapy or extra support—but when’s the last time you checked in on your own emotional needs? Your well-being matters. You are a vital resource for your child. Seeking support for yourself—whether through therapy, coaching, or a safe friend—is not indulgent. It’s essential.

Think Like a Team

One of the most powerful phrases in a high-stress home is, “We’re on the same team.” When things feel overwhelming, say it out loud. Better yet, sit down and write out your shared goals as parents. You’ll likely find that you both want the same things for your child—you just go about it differently.

Play to your strengths. Maybe your partner is the calm one during midnight wakeups, while you’re the one who can decode your child’s emotional storm from the school day. You’re not doing it wrong—you’re doing it differently. Lean into that. Ask for help in specific ways, like “Can you handle bedtime tonight? I’ve been in meetings all day and I’m fried.” Or “Would you mind prepping dinner while I talk to the OT?”

Feeling supported in your strengths changes everything.

This path may be filled with intensity and exhaustion, but it also offers unexpected gifts—laughter in the chaos, depth in the partnership, a sharpened sense of what really matters. With intention and teamwork, your relationship can survive the hardest seasons—and come out stronger on the other side.